Taylor Mali is a teacher a def poetry slam
What Teachers Make
Like Lily Like Wilson
Defending American Interests
unemployed. He was laid off in June 2001. He hasn't had a real job
since then. He lives in Brooklyn. He was born in Manhattan and grew up
in New Rochelle, NY. Single guy. As a way of dealing with his situation,
he created a series of cartoons to document his plight.
Laid-Off: A Day in the Life
Laid-Off: Help Wanted
Laid-Off: Annual Report
Laid-Off: Vacation Day
Laid-Off: Career Day
Laid-Off: Hollywood Bound
How Many Does
Light Bulb Jokes
More Light Bulb Jokes
Even More Light Bulb Jokes
Good Ol' Knock Knock
Aha: Knock Knock Jokes
Best Knock Knock Jokes
Funniest Knock Knock Jokes
Clean Knock Knock Jokes
Chris Rock: Job vs Career
Chris Rock: Half Hour Lunch Break
Flip Flop: Funny Job Interview
Real Meaning of Work Words
How Not to Conduct a Job Interview
Dilbert: Career Day, Holding Up the Wall, Drive By Management
Dilbert: Aura of Incompetence, Year end Spending, Deep Thoughts
The Office: Dwight and Jim
Puns for Folks With High
Those who jump off a
bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man's home is his
castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same
mustard as before.
Practice safe eating -
always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding - A case
of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress
just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is
really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring
Condoms should be used on
every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing
makes you well red.
When two egotists meet,
it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on
its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a
will? (It's a dead give away.)
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote
counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a
boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the
road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your
exorcist, you get repossessed
With her marriage, she got
a new name and a dress.
The man who fell into an
upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your
debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in
Australia - the LAN down under.
Every calendar's days are
A lot of money is tainted
- 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg in the
morning is hard to beat.
A pun is its own reword.
He had a photographic
memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller
who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one
shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes
on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are
Acupuncture is a jab well
for the Family Set
A Dad's Life
Q. Half of all
Americans live within 50 miles of what?
Q. Most boat
owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
Q. If you were to
spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the
A. One thousand
Q. What do
bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers
all have in common?
A. All were
invented by women.
Q. What is the
only food that doesn't spoil?
Q. Which day are
there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
Hot New Social Network
Introducing the Hot New Social Network, PhoneBook.
Allows User to Call Friends, Speak to Them.
The Borowitz Report)
social network is about to alter the playing field of the social media
world, and it’s called PhoneBook.
According to its creators, who invented the network in their dorm room
at Berkeley, PhoneBook is the game-changer that will leave Facebook,
Twitter and even the much anticipated Google Buzz in a cloud of dust.
“With PhoneBook, you have a book that has a list of all your friends in
the city, plus everyone else who lives there,” says Danny Fruber, one of
“When you want to chat with a friend, you look them up in PhoneBook, and
find their unique PhoneBook number,” Fruber explains. “Then you enter
that number into your phone and it connects you directly to them.”
Another breakout utility of PhoneBook allows the user to arrange
face-to-face meetings with his or her friends at restaurants, bars, and
other “places,” as Fruber calls them.
“You will be sitting right across from your friend and seeing them in
3-D,” he said. “It’s like Skype, only without the headset.”
PhoneBook will enable friends to play many games as well, such as
charades, cards, and a game Fruber believes will be a breakout: Farm.
“In Farm, you have an actual farm where you raise real crops and
livestock,” he says. “It’s hard work, but it’s more fun than Mafia,
where you actually get killed.”
Making Fun of People's Jobs
Best Moments From the Muppet Show
Lydia the Tatooed Lady
Sax and Violence
Never Smile at a Crocadile
Ways to Leave Your Lover
I Don't Got Rhythm
This is supposedly an actual job
application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in
Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny.
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one
who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But
seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
wouldn't be applying here in the first place
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael
Ovitz-style severance package. If that's not possible, make an
offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a
more intimate environment .
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING
UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
"Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I m ay already be
a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no! On my breaks, yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the
greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
WORLD'S FUNNIEST COMMERCIALS
Funny Stupid and Banned Commercials
Outrageously Funny Commercials
Changing Tires Can be Dangerous
You Were Snoring
My Mom Said I Could
MEN'S ROOM MURAL
Edge Designs is an
all-women run company that designs interior office space. They had a
opportunity to do an office project in New York City. The client
allowed the women of this
a free hand in all design aspects.
The client was a company that was also run by all women execs.
result.........well.....We all know that
men never talk, never look at each other, and never laugh much in the
restroom. The men's room is a serious and quiet place. But now, with the
addition of one mural on the wall......lets just say the men's restroom
is now a place of laughter and smiles.
The first couple
to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma
Every day more
money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
Men can read
smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
It is impossible
to lick your elbow.
The State with the
highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of
Africa that is wilderness: 28%
The percentage of
North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of
raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400
The average number
of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000
have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel
ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer
The San Francisco
Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
Each king in a
deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades: King
David, Hearts: Charlemagne, Clubs: Alexander, the Great, Diamonds:
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
MORE FUNNY VIDEOS
Funniest Home Videos
WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Weird Al Yankovic: On E-Bay
Weird Al Yankovic: Like a Surgeon
Weird Al Yankovic: Fat
Weird Al Yankovic: Eat It
Weird Al Yankovic: Amish Paradise
Weird Al Yankovic: One More Minute
New Words for Your Vocabulary
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
WHY DID THE
CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
DR. PHIL :
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must
first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes
after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is
help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT'
problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH :
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL :
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image
of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY :
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!
It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE :
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his
eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN :
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART :
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
DR SEUSS :
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY :
To die in the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL :
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?'
That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken
is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.
That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as
simple as that.
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told
us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS :
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON :
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES :
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check
book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new
platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ......
ALBERT EINSTEIN :
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
BILL CLINTON :
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
AL GORE :
I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS :
Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY :
Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON :
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
EVEN MORE TRIVIA
If a statue in the
park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person
died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person
died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four
legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people
signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and
Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last
signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on
the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on.
Hence the phrase: 'goodnight, sleep tight.'
In the 1400's a
law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife
with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of
Many years ago in
Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only, Ladies
Forbidden." And thus the word GOLF entered into the English
It was the
accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the
wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the
mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was
lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today
as the honeymoon.
In English pubs,
ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers
got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and
quarts, and settle down.' It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's
Many years ago in
England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle,
of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle
to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this
I cdnuolt blveiee
taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny
iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but
the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
Between You And Your Boss
If you take a long time, you're slow.
BUT if your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
If you don't do it, you're lazy.
BUT if your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
If you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
BUT if your boss makes a mistake, he's 'only human'.
If you're on a day off sick, you're 'always'
BUT if your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
If you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
BUT if your boss does it, he's being firm.
If you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're
BUT if your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
If you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
BUT if your boss please his boss, he's being co-operative.
If you do something without being told, you're
overstepping your authority.
BUT if your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
If you're out of the office, you're wandering
BUT if your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
If you apply for leave, you must be going for an
BUT if your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
Humor in the IT Department
IT Help Desk
Help Desk: Helping Dumb People
The Help Desk
Life at a Call Center
Help Desk Humor
Tech Support Call
Medieval Help Desk
Star Wars Help Desk
IT Help Desk Wars
IT Help Desk
THE IT CROWD
The UK Television Series in Praise of Geeks
Standard Nerds vs Woman
Ranting About Firewalls
Google Into Google
Jen Tries to Learn About Computers
At The Adult Learning Center
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays
[Step by Step, with Slide Presentation]
The Toilet Paper Roll: Does It Change Itself?
[Round Table Discussion]
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor
[Pictures and Explanatory Graphics]
Dinner Dishes: Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
[Examples on Video]
Loss Of Identity: Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other
[Help Line Support and Support Groups]
Learning How To Find Things: Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming
Health Watch: Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health
[Graphics and Audio Tapes]
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost
[Real Life Testimonials]
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Learning to Live: Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife
[Online Classes and Role-Playing]
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
[Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques]
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy: Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and
Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late
[Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered]
The Stove/Oven: What It Is and How It Is Used